Even Tough Women Crack Like Eggs Sometimes Excerpt: When Words Slaughter a Soul!

LGScale“I remember pieces of my splintered heart, digging deeper into the soul he ruptured, to begin slaughtering it. My hero, my precious hero.”

“Fat bitch!” Those were the first devastating words to my soul my hero hurled at me about my body. The words I never wanted to hear described to me by the man I loved more than anything in the world. The man who claimed to love me more than his own life. The man who got down on bended knee with hardware placed inside of him by a team of surgeons in a Texas hospital, after he crashed the vehicle he robbed in a booze and drug filled stupor to ask me to marry him. And, I said yes; yes, to the only man I ever wanted to take that stroll with. I remember pieces of my splintered heart, digging deeper into the soul he ruptured, to begin slaughtering it.

Recently I shared how my eating disorder and self-hatred for my body began in an article for Blogcritics, The Vicious Cycle of Eating Disorders and Body-Shaming, Part 1. Here is an excerpt of my article.

I was nine years old when my eating disorder started. It started in January in Bay Shore, New York. It was the day my uncle, a Westchester County Police Officer put his hands and mouth on me. I was in the kitchen making Campbell’s Vegetable Soup to have with my cheese and salami sandwich. It was the last time there was ever a “normal relationship” between me and eating. I remember when he was done I ran into the bathroom, locked the door, grabbed a towel from the closet and puked. I was in too much shock to cry.

Copyright © 2016 by Diane Morasco

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Announcing The Official Even Tough Women Crack Like Eggs Sometimes Website!

Beach Jersey

Announcing The Official Even Tough Women Crack Like Eggs Sometimes website for my novel, Even Tough Women Crack Like Eggs Sometimes.

I hope you find clarity, compassion, sustenance, and understanding as you voyage through the TOUGH website.

My mission is to heal, empower and rip the damn shutters off the windows we house our secrets in, so we can let the sun pour its powerful light on the darkness. Once we start soaking up the light, we can absorb the nourishment and heal.

Always remember, you are a beautiful treasure!

ADMSIG

Exclusive Even Tough Women Crack Like Eggs Sometimes Excerpt: Our DNA by Diane Morasco

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I believed the best was yet to come
I believed there wasn’t anything we couldn’t get through
I believed in you and me
For eternity

Until you put your hands on me

I understood the abuse from your past
I came from one too
I understood how your parents succumbed to addiction
Poppin’ pills, liquorin’ up…and shootin’ up
As did you
I came from a household of boozin’ up
Still
I wanted better
Thought you did too
Still
I didn’t give in to the insidiousness of my DNA
But you did
And that was okay
‘cause I loved you unconditionally
And I reached out my hand for you to hold onto
And I believed you were more than the savages you came from

Until you choked me

I gave you my heart
My mind
My body
My soul
I believed you when you said
You did too
And I believed you when you said
I was the love of your life
I believed you when you said
You wanted to make me your wife

Until you almost killed me

I believed you when you said
You didn’t mean to do it
When you said it was a “blackout”
I wasn’t sure just what I believed
‘cause all I remember was shutting down
Praying this wasn’t really happening

I wanted so desperately for you to get well
All the while your drug addiction, violent outbursts and alcohol dependence took center stage
And made my world a livin’ hell
And I slipped further into the abyss

I cried
I prayed
I lashed out
I retreated
To a world I escaped to when I was a kid
Alone with my pets
Getting lost in the pages of a book
Or writing
As the tears froze
As my soul withered
And as my spirit started to perish

I stood by you when the vultures known as your DNA
Circled and swooped in
They didn’t like the way I responded to you putting your hands on me
They didn’t like how I called the cops and had you arrested
You didn’t like it either
You blamed me for your outbursts
You said I was the reason for it
The little girl inside was too shattered to cry
‘cause the man she loved was strangling the little boy she loved inside
The damaged little boy…you

I loved you unconditionally
Despite the fact I didn’t understand the world you came from
A mother, a father sticking needles in their arms
A sister not worthy enough to raise her kids
A little sister taking her clothes off for dollars
And a man so broken
He let the best thing to ever enter his life go
‘cause there was a sick, twisted comfort in the familiar
And he answered the call of the savages who share the same DNA

Copyright © 2016 by Diane Morasco

TOUGH JOURNAL ENTRY SATURDAY 8/20/16

BAOceanGood gravy, cookie cakes, this week writing ‘Even Tough Women Crack Like Eggs Sometimes’ has put me through the paces. For a minute, I thought I was training for the Olympics or something. This particular chapter put me through the grinder and if that wasn’t enough, it decided to mince me. Why? Just because. I found myself procrastinating for the first time since I started writing TOUGH due to the events taking place during this chapter. I knew why I was acting up; however, I owned my procrastination misbehavin’ tantrum, and tackled the chapter like a BOSS! A NEW YORK / JERSEY BOSS!

I would not have been able to make it through the other side without the angels I have been blessed with to travel with me on this journey. As always, Diana Layne and Tanya R. Taylor. I am forever grateful for your presence in my life. You TOUGH women have allowed me to be me, as is, and that is a delicious liberty I haven’t been able to fully experience before. You have been at my side, as tears fall, as laughter erupts, as exhaustion sets in, as fear moves in, as sadness takes hold, as silliness bubbles up, as #SPOILEDBRATPROBLEMS creep in. And, that is enough right there, isn’t it Cookie Cake and Truth Slayer? Hahaha!

I know the subsequent chapters will come at me like Laila Ali. Guess what? I’m ready! I am prepared for it, after all, these final emotional chapters are going to bring me to ‘The End’ and I can finally BREATHE!!! And let the edits begin. Oh, wait, Truth Slayer is going to come at me with her editing sword. Guess, I will be waiting to exhale after the edits are finished. Oye!

Thank goodness, I have some books by Tanya R. Taylor to read as I wade through the molasses. Hurry up, Diana, finish Nia, Be Mine, so I have even more books in my sanctuary to nest in while in the grips of TOUGH.

Thank goodness for my new favorite storyteller, Carolyn Q, Hunter’s cozy series. Now, Hunter has to hop to it and churn out more uber (not the car service, cookie cakes. Hahaha!) fabulous books to keep me from having even more #SPOILEDBRATPROBLEMS. In the meantime, I will have to re-read Hunter’s The Diner of the Dead Cozy Mystery Series published under Summer Prescott Books, which is cool with me.

I also want to take a moment to thank two angels who crossed my path yesterday, Jasmin and Kiersten, for the fun time…and for reminding me that beneath the TOUGH exterior is a young girl who was never able to be just that. Thank you, ladies. 

And to my trio of blessings, you mean the world to me.

Note to self: COOKIE CAKE, YOU ARE APPROACHING THE FINISH LINE.

Reply to self: DON’T BREAK INTO A HAPPY SHIMMEY, COOKIE CAKE, ‘CAUSE THE EDITS ARE COMING. GRRR!!!

ADMSIG